Self-Love: The Antithesis of Christ

“All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up. Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor. [1Co 10:23-24 ESV]

Even a cursory perusal of the news, Facebook posts, or Twitter feeds is witness to an abject lack of love in the world. How many of the snarky memes and angry comments build us up or seek the good of our neighbor? They rather seek their own good and go out of their way to tear down anyone of a different political persuasion these days. The lack of respect for others is truly troublesome. Is it any wonder Jesus said of the last days, “And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold.” [Mat 24:12 ESV]

The church is also getting inundated with a lot of popular psychological concepts and solutions to our everyday struggles. One of the most entrenched ideas that should be recognized as antithetical to a Christian understanding of love is the philosophy of self-love. What is the fruit of this idea and how are we seeing it today? According to the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation, self-love is defined this way:

Ah, okay. Now to unpack this load of malarkey.

Let me first say that biblical love for self does NOT look like the person who constantly self-deprecates or who lives to people-please. The focus on these things, although negative, is self. This type of behavior would lead to a spiritual life that looks a lot like Winnie the Pooh’s Eeyore! The bible tells us to care for our bodies and shun asceticism [Col 2:23; Eph 5:29]; speak the truth in love, including to or about ourselves [Eph 4:15; Rom 12:3]; and live to please God [John 5:30]. Many times worldly philosophies seem wise, until we realize that it is in the opposite ditch to the mindset it is trying to correct. Biblical wisdom, however, is always centered between extremes, because it is centered on God.

The fact that this definition of self-love is not centered on God should be obvious from the term itself. It is focused on the person, their own determination of what actions support their growth as an individual, placing their own needs first, and supposedly coming to an unbiased conclusion of what they deserve and asserting their right to procure it. It is also telling that self-love is not an across-the-board or universal standard, but again left up the the individual.

We can see how this definition can lead a Christian astray. For example, a person can determine that fame and fortune are good for their physical and psychological well-being, their self-fulfillment. Yet the bible warns us, “For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.” [Jas 1:11 ESV] Another person could determine that asserting their sexual orientation is good for their psychological well-being. Yet Paul warned, “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor [the] greedy, nor those habitually drunk, nor verbal abusers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.” [1Co 6:9-10 NASB20] Yet another person could demand respect from people at all times and “not settle for anything less.” Christian, Jesus, our glorious Lord and Savior, was spat upon, insulted, mocked, called the devil, and brutally crucified. I think you get the picture. Any kind of love focused on our own well-being is actually pretty easy, isn’t it? We need Jesus to be our focus and anchor. If we use the world or ourselves as an anchor, we will either drift from truth or drown.

All of these self-love ideas are antithetical to what Jesus teaches. For example, after Jesus informed His disciples He would suffer and die and Peter took Him aside to rebuke Him, Jesus said this:

“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. [Mat 16:24-25 ESV]

Jesus also told the huge crowds that followed Him:

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.” [Luk 14:26-27 ESV]

When preparing His disciples to go and preach the good news, Jesus said:

“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” [Mat 10:37-39 ESV]

Do you see how love for Jesus, not self, should be our life vocation? He teaches us, in a complete reversal of man’s philosophy, to deny ourselves, hate our lives, and lose our lives for His sake. What does this mean? What does it look like?

I have heard this scripture applied incorrectly by some in our present day to mean we seek a physical death of some sort. Did you know that in the very early church there were also some people who even sought out martyrdom? This entire misapplication of Jesus’ words can be corrected by a careful reading of all scripture. Paul stated that, “If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.” [1Co 13:3 ESV] Peter even wanted to be martyred for his Lord when the Jewish officials had Him arrested, but failed. And thank God! Because the entire focus of Jesus’ directive to take up our cross is based on God’s will for us. God’s will for Peter was not to die at that time, but to shepherd the church and feed His lambs. God’s will for His Son was to die to redeem us. God’s will for each of us will look a little different, but here are three main truths from scripture:

• Our cross is determined by God and is in His timing: Jesus told Peter when speaking about John: “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!” [Jhn 21:22 ESV]
• Carrying our cross requires dying to our self: Jesus said, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” [Jhn 12:24 ESV]
• Carrying our cross demands complete surrender of our will to the Lord: Jesus said, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” [Luk 22:42 ESV]

We could well ask ourselves if we are willing to die for our Lord, but I think a better question is are we willing to live for Him? Are we willing to give up a dream job if we feel called to missions work? Are we willing to give up a great talent and any worldly fame that could result if the Lord calls us to use those gifts to humbly serve others in some way? Are we willing to give up a second paycheck if it means focusing on our children and their need for godly guidance? How about the day-to-day stuff. Can you finally forgive someone who sinned against you, or treat someone with respect who does not return the favor, or stop insisting on a certain right or privilege? What about you? Do you feel led by the Lord to do something that is not in line with how you envision your life? Please pray and ask your Heavenly Father what His will is for you and ask Him to help you live it.